I
sat on the edge of a curb, crushing a group of ants with my
shoe and watching the others scramble for cover, remembering a
time long ago when I would use my magnifying glass to
individually extinguish the lives of ants on a piece of
concrete. I would kill one and then move on, being
careful not to step on any accidentally, feeling guilty if I
were to unintentionally kill an innocent ant. But if I
focused on one ant and killed him, I felt like it was a goal
to single one out and end only his life. I never took
the time to pull back and view the ants from above. They
were all individuals subject to my definition of good and evil
or right and wrong, and I derived pleasure from extinguishing
their lives one by one.
Years
have passed and I rarely notice ants anymore. And if I
accidentally kill one while stepping off a curb, . . . who
will care for their lives in my world when their deaths mean
so little to my peers. . . . I am God to these ants. . .
. They know I am there, but they frantically work to
carry food and reach their destination, hoping I will not
interfere with their lives. Watching them I can
understand God's reason for not interfering with the natural
progression of our pathetic existence, because God is too far
away to see the never-ending death and destruction being
balanced by the promise of a new beginning. God can only
see the ants. And our existence as a vibrant society
with an endless pursuit for happiness, . . . goes
unnoticed. And if God chooses to end our lives, he would
merely affect change by lifting his shoe above our heads and
crushing us with one swift stomping of his foot.
Maybe
all the natural disasters in the world is God stomping his
foot. And we scramble for cover and ask, "Why is
God doing this to us?" . . . Or is God merely
stepping off a curb? As I would not be punished for
killing the many ants stuck to the bottom of my shoe, does God
only walk away without a care in his world? . . . Or
does God feel guilty when he murders as I feel when I
maliciously end the lives of these ants? . . . What
gives God the right to determine the destiny of our lives and
what takes away his right when he abuses his power? Or
does might make right and therefore it is not murder to
extinguish the lives of an inferior species? . . . I
wonder if God stands with his shoe raised while another shoe
rests far above his head?
